Recipe for Transformers 2:
- 1 part generic robots
- 1 part poor storytelling
- 1 part Megan Fox
- 2 parts explosions
- a pinch of T3
- Heat until lukewarm and serve.
This poster is about as awesome as the movie gets.
That’s basically about it. There’s nothing really to see here, folks. Even for a movie about a 30 minute commercial from the ’80s, this flick is uninspired. That’s not to say it’s a bod movie; it’s completely mediocre. This is what happens when you take some generic movie and give it more money than any one project should have.
The story is completely inane, although to be fair, if you came looking for a deep mythos to explore, that was your first mistake. The first tip is that the movie starts with a narration immediately to TELL you the story, instead of just showing the story. This is called bad storytelling, kids. I wont even knock it for having to construct history that wasn’t covered in the first movie, although I really should. Anyway, Sam gets all angsty and ends up romping around the globe with some really fucking racist robots and The Hotness. I think the plot tries to do too much; instead, the plot needs to be a thinly veiled excuse for giant robots to wail on each other. Wow. I never thought I’d be advocating less story in a movie. It’ll grind on you, too, when the characters shout, “Optimus! NOOOOO!” and are totally serious about it.
Now, I’m neither a director nor a cinematographer, but I’m pretty sure cameras work even when not on cranes. This fact escapes Michael Bay, who insists on use them incessantly. Even when characters are just standing around talking, the camera swoops around like no other. It’s annoying and completely unnecessary, knock it off. Goddamn.
So, bottom line: This is what happens when you give a straight-to-DVD movie $200 million. Expect that level of story and action.
$3/$7 — Watch the first movie again and find those pictures of Megan Fox from GQ
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